The Most Epic Plank in the Whole Wide World

October 24, 2019 by Jodi 381 Comments

What do you do when you walker rolls forward but neither your feet nor your legs respond with a synchronous step forward? And then you find yourself on an angled horizontal-ish plane, legs board straight, arms at a 90 degree angle and you have multiple sclerosis. Aside from performing the most epic plank in the whole wide world, you yell for help.

The children came running.

The words came tumbling out of my mouth. Try to bend my legs! No, not that way! Like as if I am kneeling! No, not that way! OK, that’s not gonna work. Brace the walker in the front and try to push it toward me! Nope, that’s not gonna work either! Just hold it, let me think for a moment. Keep it stable! I attempt a push up with a combo hip flexing move to drag my legs into place. Laughable. Who am I kidding! Hold the wheels tight, don’t let them roll!

Thoughts keep scurrying around like a panicked mouse in the house and all I can muster is, how am I going to let myself fall and hurt myself in the least serious way? If I go straight down, my face is going to get scraped on the walker. Possible bloody nose. If I heave the walker forward my lower back is going to get tweaked in a really bad way. Also, possible bloody nose. If I force myself to roll to the side something is going to get bruised on the way down and there is no guarantee I can even get the momentum to roll to the side. And, possible bloody nose. In this epic plank position my biceps pop like the incredible hulk except they are static and there is no strength to move. Any tiny movement means those wheels roll. When those wheels roll it is all over.

My arms are burning. I think my abs are engaged so, bonus points? Can’t feel them though so I briefly imagine a six pack bulging in all the glory. Plus, hulk biceps. Arms are still burning. This is Pinterest worthy right here, look at those muscle lines! My back is starting to give out and whatever position my feet are in, they are slipping too. Hang on. Please body, come through for me in the most miraculous way. No? Fine. I’m going down.

Thud.

“Oooh. You OK, mom?” #1 daughter asks.

#1 son whispers from beyond and adds, “mom fell! why’d you let the walker roll?” The only thing rolling in that moment were my eyes. Sibling rivalry, even in my most grounded moments. Get it?

Me, “No one let the walker roll, she did what I asked. This was the best possible outcome, I’m OK” with a silent grumble grumble and, am I really OK?

The good news: I seriously just performed the most epic plank in the whole wide world. Also, no bloody nose.

The sharp pain in my lower back makes me flinch as I slowly roll to sit up.

“Need help mom?”

No thanks. Let me just sit here for a moment and catch my breath, I sigh from my winded ribs. The images of hulk biceps and six pack abs dissipate into the reality that is my stiff, fragile 43 year old body that is, might I proudly add, is textbook multiple sclerosis. As I gently stretch my back I feel slight disappointment, and wincing pain, that this fall has negated all the good exercising I did earlier this morning. There is also a twinkling of light that I feel telling me that all the same good daily exercising is protecting me and there will be no damage or lasting effects thankfully once I’m back on my feet.

“Need help mom? I can help you up.”

No thanks. Good team work, we made the best effort.

I’ve got this.